The 2024 MLB season has gotten off to a rough start when considering the number of players currently sidelined with injuries. Among the most recent to go down was the Texas Rangers’ young star Josh Jung, who suffered a fractured wrist and will miss the next 8-10 weeks following surgery, and Marlins starter Eury Perez who’s heading for Tommy John surgery. Eduardo Rodriguez, Matt McLain, TJ Friedl, Justin Steele, Kyle Bradish, Anthony DeSclafani, DJ LeMahieu, Royce Lewis, and more are also slated for significant stints on the shelf as they recover.

Injuries are never fun and I don’t wish to make light of them in any way. The sting of losing a valuable player for sometimes months at a time just because he landed from a step a little awkward is painful. For the player, it’s even worse to miss time on the field, especially if it wasn’t related to your job. That said, there are a few occasions in which a specific injury has been so out of the ordinary, funny, and, in the long run, not life-altering that they stick in our head forever, not unlike Hans Moleman getting hit by that football.

The injury in question that got the ball rolling for me involved then-Cubs closer Brandon Morrow and his infamous pair of pants.

Morrow has an interesting resume, to say the least. Drafted 5th overall by the Mariners in 2006, he’d make a quick ascent to the majors and first take the mound for the big league squad in 2007. It wasn’t until he was traded to Toronto, however, that he began to become a regular starter, proving to be a promising arm in the rotation with his best year coming in 2012, when he posted a 2.96 ERA through 21 starts. His time North of the border also included one of the best games by game score ever twirled – nine innings, one hit, a pair of walks, and 17 strikeouts on 137 pitches. With a game score of 100, that falls in the same ballpark as all-time great performances like Kerry Wood’s 20-strikeout game and many no-hitters and perfect games.

Alas, injuries would be a constant in his career going forward, whether it be a left oblique strain in 2012, a pinched radial nerve in 2013, or a torn tendon sheath in his right hand in 2014. His brief two-year stint with the San Diego Padres would similarly be marred by IL stints, but he finally managed to get healthy in 2017 after joining the Los Angeles Dodgers. Morrow became a dominant relief presence at the back end with a 2.06 ERA in 43.2 innings. Naturally, that also meant he had an outsized role in the 2017 World Series, though it wasn’t the most inspiring performance, especially with a Game 5 blow-up that cost the Dodgers the lead late. Still, it was an incredible year for a guy who had been dogged by injuries for so long and the Cubs rewarded him for it with a two-year, $21 million contract to be the closer.

It’s here that we can finally talk about his trousers. Long story short, Morrow dealt with injuries again and, though he was awesome when healthy – 1.46 ERA and 22 saves in 30.2 innings – it was hard for him to stay on the field. In June, the Cubs were preparing for a doubleheader against, coincidentally, his old team the Dodgers. Early the morning of the game, however, he felt a spasm in his back upon taking off his pants and landed a 10-day IL stint because of it.

“Just undressing at my house,” Morrow said at the time of the injury. “Like 3 a.m., in the closet, got my right leg off. Left one just felt like a spasm in my back. It’s frustrating any time you can’t get out there, especially when you can’t go because of something stupid like taking your pants off. Getting hurt any time’s frustrating, but when it’s not related to throwing a baseball it’s even that much more frustrating.”

At the time, it was immensely frustrating (especially when playing as well as Morrow was), but a reminder that, even at peak physical condition, athletes are just as prone to freak accidents as the rest of us. I relate to Morrow’s injury more and more every year. Only a few months ago, I horrifically tweaked my back making my bed. It happens. He’s not even the only CUB to throw out his back in a weird fashion as Sammy Sosa pulled a ligament in his back and even needed an epidural after sneezing too hard.

Glenallen Hill and the Attack of the Spiders

What doesn’t happen, however, is being attacked by spiders and crashing onto a glass table in sheer panic. That (kinda) happened to former Blue Jays outfielder Glenallen Hill whose sleep was interrupted by a nightmare about the 8-legged freaks. Ever the Arachnophobe, he leaped out of bed and, in a state of semi-consciousness, ran out of his bedroom, tripped, and fell through the table, earning enough bumps and bruises to earn an IL stint. Lest anyone think he’s hiding anything nefarious, he even allowed reporters into his home to see the bloodied and broken table wreckage in person. When reached for comment, Hill insisted that “It might’ve been diet, might’ve been stress… more of a sleeping disorder,” over the nightmare spiders. Whatever the case, it makes for a story that would sound like a really bad excuse to get out of something if not for all the evidence.

There’s no shortage of these stories, especially in recent memory. Noted redass Madison Bumgarner (aka Mason Saunders if you catch him at a local rodeo) sprained his shoulder after an accident while riding a dirt bike. Yoenis Cespedes fractured his ankle after an encounter with a wild boar on his ranch. Rickey Henderson somehow got frostbite in AUGUST thanks to an icepack he accidentally left on his foot before falling asleep.

Baseball has been around for so long, however, that we have an undisputed king of weird injuries: Jeremy Affeldt.

The Unfortunate Jeremy Affeldt

Affeldt enjoyed a respectable 14-year big-league career in which he posted a 3.97 ERA and 5.5 fWAR. He also:

1. Suffered nerve damage in his pitching hand after slicing it while cutting hamburger patties for a barbecue in 2011.
2. Sprained his knee while catching his four-year-old in 2012.
3. Strained his oblique during a sneezing fit in 2013.
4. Partially dislocated his knee after slipping on an inflatable platform during a trip to Lake Loon for his son’s birthday in 2015.

That is an unprecedented off-field injury rate that we may never see again. Everyone at the time knew it too. There’s an almost comedic exasperation to the headlines that roughly amount to, “Welp, Jeremy did it again.” In hindsight, it only helped to make Affeldt more memorable and even highlight his other accomplishments, like his contributions to the San Francisco Giants’ World Series victories. He pitched in all three of the Giants even-year runs from 2010 through 2014 and, in those 31.1 innings of postseason play, he was strong with a 0.86 ERA. Upon his retirement in 2015, his injury woes were even mentioned lovingly alongside his accolades in a San Francisco Chronicle sendoff.

The thing is, these stories only get amplified because athletes’ health is public. If someone goes on the injured list and there’s a funny tale about it, we’ll likely hear it. It’s a unique quirk about professional stories becoming ingrained in the lore of the sport. There are people years from now that are going to hear about Morrow’s pants, Hill’s spider attack, and Affeldt’s… well, everything, and are, hopefully, going to get as much joy out of the bizarre nature of them as we do now.